Saying Goodbye...for now

It is a little strange to think about saying good-bye when there are still 2 months before I will be back ‘home’.  However my circumstances are such that I have been saying good-bye and thinking about saying good-bye since the beginning of May.  As my time in Lesotho is coming to an end I am entering a time of transition.  This week school is closing for the winter break, this has only sped up the rate of transitions.  Over 2 weeks ago I said good-bye to my 2 youngest siblings, who leave during school holidays, and soon I expect to say good-bye my oldest sibling.  This time of transition will continue for the next 2 months as I make my way back to Canada, and in some ways it will continue for the next 5 months.  I have been offered a position working here with the same organization in Lesotho.  So I will be heading home for a couple of months, then coming back here for 2 years. 

Transitions are always a time filled with good-bye’s.  In some ways I am not saying good-bye, just so long for now, since I will be coming back. But I know things will be different when I get back.  Some difference are obvious and expected others will be subtle and harder to distinguish. Some of the obvious differences will be my job description, my living arrangements (I will not be living without a host family), and the SALTer I have shared this experience with will not be here.  The biggest good-bye I have been thinking about is to my host family. I will still see them often since I will be in the village right beside them, but I will not live with them. I had not thought much about this before my 2 youngest siblings left. When I found out they were going my instant reaction was sadness and a desire to cry.  This reinforced my growing realization that these children, and this whole family has become a part of my heart, a part of my life.  I have invested both love and life into this family.   It is amazing how attached you can get to people, especially children, in a short time.  It felt very sad to acknowledge I would not get to live with them again. I would no longer come home every night to shouts of ‘ausi mpho!’(my Sesotho name) and giggling, and calling me names, and wanting me to hold them while I am trying to help with supper.  They have been a big part of my experience. 

Zanele, Noxolo, Lebo, Rorisang, 'me Malintle, Mpho

Zanele, Mpho, Lebo

TI have been trying to acknowledge how different things will be when I come back. I hope this will help the transition. Transition is something that is talked about a lot in cross-cultural experiences, and camp experiences. So I have heard lots about it, and I have experienced a few transitions myself. However, it continues to surprise me when it is difficult. It is one thing to know things will feel strange; it is another things when it happens.  It has started to become difficult to focus on life here, when I know I only have a month left before this Lesotho experience ends. 

Liminality: A threshold, the place in between coming and going. This is not an easy place to live in. There is lots of excitement and new things, but there are also lots of good-bye’s. But when I think of my next 5 months, this is the place I expect to be.  Transition is part of life as a young adult. Our lives are fluid. I have a love hate relationship with this.  I am excited to be coming back here, I am glad I am not saying a final good-bye right now.  But committing to being somewhere for 2 years was difficult. It will be the longest I have been a permanent resident in one place since high school.  And so even though there are lots of transitions in my near future I am looking forward to a little permanence, even if it is only 2 years.